1245 Hwy 90 East - Flatonia,Texas

(361) 865-2922

FLATONIA - After the 18 Greates Golf Holes from Hell, March Madness, Opening Day and the Head Cold That Would Not End, the Hackers Guide to the Galaxy was back on the links recently with a foray to the near east.

The Flatonia Golf Course (or as it is called in the men's room, the Flatonia International Golf Course, but more on that later) fit the Hackers Guide Criteria list perfectly: A. Open on Mondays, B. Nine Holes, C. Adjacent to a pasture, and D. Cheap.

Earstwhile playing partner Bryan Duckworth, who climbed into the Hackermobile expecting to go to Yoakum ("Ten years ago I would have said something," when he realized we were not headed to Yoakum, "but I'm a lot more mellow now.") ranked the greens as among the best the hackers have ever played.

Tons of rain, ammonium nitrate, love and care - plus a close cropping - will do that. Just don't blink, or you might miss them.

The Flatonia Golf Course also had its share of scenery, with some ancient moss-draped oaks, one crystal-clear water hazard and two small lakes where turtles ruled the murkey deeps. Oh yes, and just one cursed par 5.

Despite the town's motto - "Conveniently located halfway between Houston and San Antonio on Interstate 10" - the course obviously did not suffer from a lot of playing pressure (in other words, the Houston hacker hordes have not discovered it).

We were stunned when the exceedingly friendly woman at the counter was happy we wanted to walk the course. Seems recent rain (not the tires of a score of carts) had been tough on the caliche cart paths.

The Hackers knew they were right at home when the biggest item on the wall of rules outside the clubhouse - and re-emphasized with a sign inside the men's room - forbade players from wearing boots when they played.

Still, Duckworth's rural roots came to the surface quickly. He recognized the bellowing of cattle at the nearby livestock auction and observed that you could drop off your dog for a quick neutering at the verterinary clinic across from the course while you played.

Well maybe if you played 18.